"Ari Fleischer Should Get Back In The Game"

Much to my chagrin, HBO canceled John From Cincinnati, cowardly snuffing out the show in 10 episodes rather than even letting it run the usual 12. They must have been looking for the quick score following up on the Sopranos, and instead they got art with more Deadwood-level ratings, and it spooked the suits. I thought getting dusted wasn't going to be an issue? Whatever.

Well, the point is I had the voice of John Monad in my head today when I found a blast from the past come across my screen: Ari Fleischer, G-dubs OG press secretary, is getting back in the game.

For those who weren't hooked on the political junk back in Bush's glory days of 2002-03, it's hard to explain just how good Ari Fleischer was at his job. Tony Snowjob is a garden-variety AM radio hack, and I'm pretty sure Scott McClellen really is a robot, but Ari motherfucking Fleischer was the drum-major kingpin of that press corps when he manned the podium. He bossed those stenographers with such ease and grace that even as he was being arguably fascistic -- telling reporters, for instance, that "people better watch what they say" or "those fuckin' towel-heads are going to get themselves eradicated" -- you sort of had to love him. He made the whole macabre free-fall more like watching well-choreographed dance.

So, I was sad to see him go when he had the foresight to bail out back in 2003, right after the Iraq invasion popped off, right at the zenith of Bush's presidency. He gave it up for a six-figure corporate job and a wife about half his age, but hey, it was all in keeping with his mastery of the system. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Well, now he's back, this time fronting for a $15M pro-Iraq-surge campaign being run by a coalition of former Bush Administration officials. "For those who believe in peace through strength," says Fleischer, "the cavalry is coming." Hoo-rah!

They're basically going to run a shit-ton of ads propping up Republicans (and some Bush Dog Democrats) by exploiting wounded veterans to make people feel guilty about "pulling out." Oh, and of course reminding everyone that if we don't "finish the job" "over there", "they" will "attack us again over here."

Cue burning Twin Towers footage. 9/11 is huge.

I can't say I'm truly glad to see him back though, at least not like this. He looks like he's put on weight, and re-running essentially the same narrative he left off with four years ago just reminds me of an ugly time in our history, an ugly time to be a New Yorker. While I'm reluctant to bet against his special egg-headed deadpan judo, I just don't see how the old 2003 playbook with a splash of revisionist history Vietnam angst is going to turn things around for the Bushies.

Ari Ari Ari! I expected so much more. But still, I got my eye on you, buddy.